Confessions of a Metroman

Note for the New Year

2008-12-31T11:38:00.000-08:00

I got myself 2 new items yesterday. A Sateen Jacket from AX. Color: Ink.

Coated Cotton 5 pocket pants. Color: Black.

- Gonna look pretty fierce, especially together. I hope.

Now, resolutions:

1. Read Twilight

2. Read Dr. J and Mr. H

3. Finish up the novel by the end of spring

4. Less Alcohol

5. Find a lover

6. Get good grades at school

7. Get rid of arrogance

8. Get another tattoo

9. Release anger and frustrations

10. Save up some money

11. See Snow again

12. Make up with people by forgiving them

13. Read all the books waiting in line

14. Thread eyebrows every 2 weeks

15. Get a bed

I wish for a lot, but number 5 is most important. =D

<3>

?

2008-10-01T17:19:00.000-07:00

WHY???

Karmic Weight

2008-09-25T22:38:00.000-07:00

Through the law of karma, the effects of all deeds actively create past, present, and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain and joy it brings to him/her and others.

The concept of Karma is pretty well known, but is quite impossible to understand. How can one know that he has a good or bad Karma. Is bad Karma signified by the fact that one does not have money? or that he might be having problems in his love life? Maybe it's relationships with others? Or maybe even not suck a good luck? then good Karma definitely brings the opposite effects.

Now, which frequency does the Karma have? Is it possible to erase the frequency from the radio in the car, and have absolute freedom? Basically, we all apparently have committed some sins in the past life, and now we have to pay for it. If so, the question is: can we clear ourselves from the past sins? There is a way, you just have to spend some significant amount of money to go all the way to India and wash your self in one of the dirtiest rivers in the world. Dipping the body in the water lets the soul to be off the dirt, and I guess the body shouldn't matter at the moment, because the process could result in some quite unfortunate illnesses.

I do not think that it would be a right thing to do, especially if you're, just like me, take a shower for no reason at times. Unfortunately there is no other way. However i might admit to my sins if there are such. I'm not such a good person after all and here are a couple of my qualities:

a. I'm selfishly selfish

b. I'm arrogantly arrogant

c. I drown in jealousy

d. I sold my soul to trends and labels

e. I forgot that there is such a concept as high definition love

f. I do not believe and trust

g. I'm scared shitless.

no title

2008-09-22T22:25:00.000-07:00

Dear friends, i know i do not write in here that often, I guess i don't care about this blog as much, since i'm very used to my old one. But there are times when i just need to share what i'm thinking with someone who actually stops by to read this. Lately, i've been asking myself some questions of various content.

Yes, love. It might sound feminine, however i'll tell you the truth from the deep down not so true feminine self: I came to the states looking for love. Despite all the adventures i have been through, i have to admit that i'm growing up, and don't see the world through a colored beer bottle glass anymore, nor do i wear purple sunglasses, which is a huge mistake on one end, and is a "GREAT SUCCESS" on the other. I feel into the tornado of feelings when i saw the girl and not so much girls, but rather boys with a true feminine self inside of them, yes: they made my heart pump faster and more intense, but as the time passed it never amused me enough. "Wow" you might say: he came here to find love? Again i'm telling you that i can be heartless.

I do feel love, but this love is for myself, and close friends, and of coarse for my family, but i dare to extend the walls and borders, and look for someone right now. Someone who would actually be the one...

My not so true feminine self.

life at home

2008-07-03T23:50:00.000-07:00

Glam, glam, glam! one of the most expensive cities in my country, elite internet cafe. neo cigarettes, jeans 400usd worth, and me. life is pretty chill in here, and yes.. i finally got some access online, well not for too long... but w/e.

i have to go back soon, but i will be back...

<3 Ko

ps: oh did i mention that living in a penthouse is a really cool felling?

i thought i would add some awesome pictures

2008-05-27T17:55:00.000-07:00

M. Gucci!

D&G

M. Armani

My inspiration.....

there goes another confession?

2008-05-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

I'm really tired of everything. I feel empty and emotionless... so i guess it's a good time to put myself together, and continue on the road of breaking hearts.... (what a bitch - about myself)...

It's not that i don't care, cuz i really do, it's more like I'm afraid to care? or maybe i just cause pain to protect myself from it. probably the last one. definitely the last one.

Life have taught me a couple of lessons:

1. there are just a few people who really do care
2. If your heart gets to be broken too many times you don't fall as bad when it happens again
3. It's easier to pretend that you don't care then pretend that you do care
4. Shopping for labels is a fun thing
5. There is no one in the world closer to me than my momma
6. Chilli's can be so damn good
7. The clothes that you wear give you an energy boost or bring you down
8. Love is something that comes and goes
9. cigarettes are not that great for your health
10. Being bi is pretty cool and weird, though it has a lot of flows
11. if you really want to do something, maybe you should
12. people are born with a pain in the ass to cause pain in the ass
13. Math can really damage or save your brain at times....

and the last one:

14. there is no one in the world who can be as great as my FRIENDS (thank you guys)

now... i g2g to class, so i guess i'll see you later?
<3 Ko
PS: confession... hmmmm, i confess that i used to be fat when i was younger, and starved myself for 2 months to lose weight. i suggest you not to do that... exercise is much better.

and so we kissed

2008-05-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

i dunno where it will all go, but definately not to bed quite yet. He's the first guy I have ever kissed, and i want to give him a credit for that, also i will give credit for myself, because i took courage to actually make an expression of my feeings towards this bastard.

A bit about him: nope he's not my type. But my judgement of the cover was taking over at first. Yes he's cute, but not my type. Which made me play, and we ended up behind the column of PickUpStix. We were sitting there, because i promised him a kiss... and we are talking and smoking, and then he asked me if i was going to kiss him, and i said yes. I told him to close his eyes, because i wanted to play more, but he broke the rules that i was prepearing for the game and instead went very close to me and kissed me, and then he stoped and smiled at me, and i kissed him. But it ended, he didn't wantto go back to work all horny and turned on...

he wants to kiss me again, and i want to kiss him again too. He raised my self esteem, by saying that i'm a good kisser, cuz i thought i forgot how to do it after i got back here in 2007.

<3 KO

insecurities

2008-05-05T22:41:00.001-07:00

I feel very empty inside lately, seems like fell out from the major stream of the river. My social life looks like Great Starbucks desert, filled with a smell of coffee and green tea. My friends are around, which gives me a peace in my mind. They are like green living trees in the desert of my frustration and dispair. I find myself hitting hard wall of cynicism, that i have built myself, for myself, to avoid something. It's time for it to go down. But it's hard... extremely hard. Why? - you would say. There is more to it then just the wall of sarcasm and cynicism. There is me. The wall became me, and i have become the wall as well. People looking at this wall cannot guess what's in my head, and what is the truth, what is a lie, what is sarcasm, and where is sincerety. I am sarcastic, and there are some things i lie about, well technically i do not lie, i just overexagerate sometimes. I would lie to you if it was in my intention to hurt you, however i do not think there are many people who actually can get me to the level, when i will lie. There is sky, but there are no stars in it, it's empty, gray, and cloudy. Yes, I do stand proudly in my life, in my self-respect, in my honesty, however i do not see a point. I want to believe in something, and it seems to be extremely hard to do so. confusion...
I want out.
I've tried, my friends don't seem to notice how hard i'm trying.
I want out.
People don't think that i actually can be less cynical.
I want out.
Just to breath, like others do.
But instead, I seem to e chained too strong to the wall, so i can't move.
But, i've created this prison for myself, which makes me responsible, and even gives me the power to get through, destroy the connection, and maybe begin everything again.
This is what i'm going to try to do: give a new begining...

the word

2008-03-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

jealousy eats me alive, envy scratches across my wounds, I do not feel good right now. I'm tired and have a headache. I'm fly, but at the same time pretty emo right now. I do not believe in relationships. And they don't chase me anymore, which makes me sad. which makes me depresssed. Which makes me believe in it. Even if i'm arrogant and selfish, it never know everything i want to know.

They say i'm supposed to be the one. I heard that it is pretty intense. and insane at times. A lot of people tell me that they envy me, they tell it to my friends too, but it's funny how in reality there is nothing to be jealous of. There is nothing to envy.

My life sux. or maybe i'm just emo right now... i do not know. I do not want to know. And most of all i do not want to have this feeling.

<3 KO

boredom

2008-03-12T18:33:00.000-07:00

What do I do when i'm bored, I guess not much of whatever i'm supposed to be doing... Today i went to the gym, which made me feel proud of myself...

all black

2008-02-11T17:44:00.000-08:00

Valentines Day - i'm wearing all black,

yeah... well, listen up, i'm here at starbucks right now, feeling cold and studying for my quiz... bored, so listening to music - discovering my own library... deposited a check today... so i think i've just bs'd my english paper, i dunno, maybe it makes sense... but hey - life is nice, it's just long and exciting... i guess...

here are some pictures i guesss...

let me show you the hottest girls... =D and characters that inspired me.

new job!

2008-02-09T22:20:00.000-08:00

i think i got a new job... training - next wednezday!
<3 Ko

Let's talk some fashion?

2008-02-06T19:57:00.000-08:00

Is there much more to say, these are the best: D&G, GUCCI, and RC...

I need some advice thought from you guys! whoever reads it...

So yeah, you know i like that girl, she has a BF right, and studies in LMU, never picks up my calls, but talks to me online... I want to see her...

I mean, I respect that she has a BF but I just want to feel not alone for once on VD. If nothing comes to your mind, kids: I have a suggestion, which one of my friends told me about -

Take a look at my life: ALL BLACK ON VALENTINES DAY... (so much sarcasm, irony, and cynizm...)

good luck to me...

<3>

PS: i need to go shopping

Who's that blonde girl around you boy?

2008-02-05T17:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, who is she?
My crush... I guess. Her name is Bree. And I'm deeply in love with her. I can't get her out of my mind, because she's the one who always was there, inside of my brain. From the first day i saw her... And I never told her that I do love her, and I do need her... hmmmm, I guess it needs more thought... i dunno, maybe it's just me, maybe it's just her. I think that sometimes i get too naive... and i'm not sure if she feels the same way about me, the signs say she does, but i cannot trust just the signs... I just don't trust them. Yeah, i've been trying to push her out of my mind for 7 months already, I was trying to get over her, but i never did. And maybe, if there is even a small chance that we can be together, i do not wish to miss it. I want to take it, at least to know if it actually works. at least to know that we tried. at least to feel what it is like to be loved, more then just a friend. She was my first love, even though we met each other just a few years ago. She has a Boyfriend now, and tells me often that he's awesome. I respect it, even though it hurts. I really do. But if there is a chance that they break up, I know it's bad to say that, but I'll try my best to be there for her.
<3 KO

sushi, sushi, sushi

2008-02-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

Dinner then lunch, then probably dinner again... sushi seem to be very addictive... just like cigarettes, if you're thinking about starting smoking: please reconsider, it's bad, bad, bad... oh yeah, i think i need to smoke soon...

well, let me ask you something: what can be better then sitting on the bed naked and typing this message?

answer: sitting or maybe not naked on the bed with somebody right next to you... haha... and certainly not typing in the blog...

let me tell you a lil bit about myself:

My name is Ko Sky... you probably heard about me before... I'm pretty sure there are a couple of magazine covers where you can see me... (sarcasm)

I'm from the glorious republic of Kazakhstan. Real Borat you would say, well, i guess you can tell it when you look at me, or even read this... right?

I do speak english, but I'm so much better when i have to speak russian...

I know you probably are thinking, who's that beautiful boy, typing this blog. Well I'm 1/4 Korean, 1/4 Russian, 1/4 Ukrainian, 1/4 Polish... and i'm not much like anything from the list: too different to be stereotyped.

I love fashion, my favorite Designer Brands: GUCCI, D&G, RC, TED BAKER, and PRADA... yeah, except last collections from PRADA suck! Wake up, Miss! what are you thnking?!

I'm a music addict, i have a lot of it on my lap top, well had, untill i got it all virused up, so now i need to restore my entire library...

I like writing, but i can't keep up with my thoughts, i think it's too complicated for me sometimes to write a novel and not to kill my character in the first few pages.

I love movies, pinkberry and coldstone... damn that was good.

And yeah BTW, I'm cancer... that's why i don't it seafood i guess, but i love fish and sea weed.

I love traveling, and travel a lot.

They say I'm a devil, a temptation, and someone who is always a bad and sarcastic boy: give me a break. WHAT IS GOOD ANYWAYS? is it bad to be actually honest and hurt people with honesty? i dunno, but this is what i do.

I do not believe in love, i believe in affection: and that's going to hit me hard... i'm sure it will... awwww....

Never been in a relationship, and am starving for it, i need to lower down my pride and expectations to find the one...

Any more questions? ask them here...

<3>

the first note about my day auaujourd'hui

2008-02-04T22:37:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you about what happened today:

i woke up and i had a red eye, which wasn't awesome

I went to school, which was even less awesome

i met up with Diana, my bbf @ UCR, and that was awesome, we had lunch... and discussed important questions: were getting ready for midterm and studying a lot... well, it's not quite true, but i want to put it this way.

I went to the modeling fair, and they asked me for $800 to attend the next one, which was not awesome at all

i had sushi tonight for dinner, and that was pretty good.

I really am trying but sometimes i feel like my effore is going nowhere. I need some inspiration, a girlfriend, money, and a job? let's say career that i was always dreaming of.

If you wanna know what was awesome see items #3 and #5 above. the rest of the day sucked.

<3>